FITNESS PROPAGANDA CRAZE HAS CREATED A RAPIST'S PARADISE

            Ah, there's nothing like a propaganda craze that gets vulnerable women out there jogging alone, along deserted streets, wooded areas, or other generally untrod paths. The fitness craze is undoubtedly the greatest boon to all of those poor underprivileged rapists and murderers, so underserved in our society. I can just see them cheering on all of those gullible ladies of all ages and sizes and personalities, like creating a smorgasbord of opportunity for their misogynistic, sadistic pleasure, no less than the parade of hunters in Jurassic Park II: The Lost World served as a mobile buffet for the poor starving velociraptors.

            Oh, and let's not forget those marvelously convenient ear buds, which give such lovely musical accompaniment to the ladies' runs, so that they cannot possibly hear the approach of their attackers.

            I am reminded of an episode of Law And Order: SVU, in which a husband and wife are out jogging, the wife happily and the husband miserably. He says to her (I am paraphrasing; I cannot possibly recall the entire exact quote), "This is ridiculous. Here I am, wasting an hour during the prime of my life, making myself utterly miserable: hot, tired, sweaty, panting, achy, sore, wishing I were anywhere else, doing anything else, all because there's a remote chance that this might, or might not, add a few more tick-tocks for me at the other end of my life, probably at a time when a few more minutes could easily only mean more minutes of torture during my most decrepit declined state." It was right after that, that the couple found the raped-and-murdered body of a young lady, also jogger-dressed.

            But never let it be said that we failed to give credence to every possible bit of propaganda and fad available, especially since it provides victims for such worthwhile citizens as our certifiably depraved. After all, we wouldn't want to lose our flawless reputation as "sheeple," now, would we?